


The Green in Me

by dead_dogs_eye



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Bruce Has Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-10
Updated: 2012-07-10
Packaged: 2017-11-09 14:44:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dead_dogs_eye/pseuds/dead_dogs_eye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Green. He was sure he could see it; a tint on his face, flecks in his eyes, faint patches of it speckling his chest. He couldn't be turning, it was impossible. He'd been doing so well, keeping his anger to a low simmer, reminding himself that losing his temper would do nothing but wrest from him the little control he had left, only letting the Hulk out to play when he was needed. He was sure he was even starting to be able to tell the Hulk when it was time for him to sleep, to let Bruce come back to himself. But every time he looked in the mirror, all he saw was green.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Green in Me

**Author's Note:**

> My first AO3 fic, yay! Trigger warning: BDD. I don't know how much of it shows through, but I had Body Dysmorphic Disorder in mind when I wrote it.

Tony swore loudly to the empty lab around him as the simulations he was running simultaneously on three different screens all ended in unintended fiery destruction for the umpteenth time.

“JARVIS, where the fuck is Bruce?”

“Dr. Banner is in his living quarters.”

“Well what the hell is he doing? He was supposed to be here like a year ago.”

“I'm... not sure,” he AI admitted slowly. “He appears to be observing his reflection in the bathroom.”

“Is he fixing his hair or something? Jesus, how long can a guy spend gazing at himself in the mirror?”

“I don't know, sir. Shall I tell him that you have requested his presence?”

Tony sighed and rubbed his temples. Working with Bruce was so much like playing around with the most technologically advanced toys in the world that he sometimes forgot just how stressful working alone could be. Better than working with most other people he'd ever met, but still an inspiration for much of his heavy drinking in the past.

“No, I'll go get him. I'm, like, 99% sure he didn't just forget, so something must be up. My charming demeanor will get it out of him.”

“Very good, sir.”

“Remind me to tone down your sarcasm circuits, JARVIS.”

 

Green. He was sure he could see it; a tint on his face, flecks in his eyes, faint patches of it speckling his chest. He couldn't be turning, it was impossible. He'd been doing so _well_ , keeping his anger to a low simmer, reminding himself that losing his temper would do nothing but wrest from him the little control he had left, only letting the Hulk out to play when he was needed. He was sure he was even starting to be able to tell the Hulk when it was time for him to sleep, to let Bruce come back to himself. But every time he looked in the mirror, all he saw was _green_.

“This is why people are scared of you. Even when you're just an unassuming doctor on the outside. Because they can see the green seeping out of your pores, revealing what you really are. Damn your scientific curiosity, you should have stayed in Kolkata. This is why you left. Every time they see you they see the beast. It must be so obvious. Bruce Banner is nothing but a weak disguise for the Other Guy. The Hulk. You're just a monster in disguise. You _look_ like a monster. You look like a monster.”

“Hey, princess, your eyebrows look fine. How about you come do your job?”

“Please go away,” Bruce croaked weakly. _Jesus, you even_ sound _like the beast_.

“Ok, I don't say this a lot, so listen up. I need your help. There, I said it. You have to come out now. I refuse to have humiliated myself for nothing.”

“Tony, I'm asking you, please, as my friend. Leave me alone.” His gaze never wavered from the image of the distorted man in front of him. He knew it, he was going green. When he lost focus even for a second it got worse. Watching his horrible reflection without pause was the only thing keeping him from becoming the animal he knew was always lurking just beneath the surface.

“Can't do that, I'm afraid. You may have missed the part where I said I needed your help. See? I said it again. You know how serious this must be if I admit that I need help twice in the same conversation. Come on,”

The handle on the bathroom door rattled and Bruce started, almost leaping to press himself against the door to keep it closed. But no, he couldn't leave the mirror. Every time he thought he'd managed to reduce some of the green tainting his skin he saw another glaring patch reminding him that the monster inside of him was as obvious as his hair color. He groaned in frustration, torn between keeping Tony out and keeping the Hulk in.

“The fuck? JARVIS, unlock this door.”

“ _No!_ ”

 

Tony only caught a glimpse of Bruce, leaning over the sink in nothing but a pair of boxers (one of the ones Tony had bought him upon incinerating the dying college professor wardrobe the man had arrived with) with tear tracks staining his face, before the doctor tore a robe down from its hook on the wall and wrapped himself in it tightly, facing the wall.

“Bruce? Seriously, what's up?”

“Just go away, Tony, now. I'm... I'm begging you. I can't...”

Tony strode across the room and gripped his friend's shoulder tightly. “Look at me.”

Shuddering with revulsion at the thought of what Tony was about to see, Bruce reluctantly turned his head to face the other man. Tony failed to repress the wince at the sight of his usually unflappable friend's red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. He immediately regretted it when Bruce closed his eyes and tried to pull away, but Tony held fast, keeping him from going far.

“I'm usually ok. I know that people see the Hulk when they look at me, but I know they see Bruce Banner too. Most of the time. I was asked to come here as Dr. Bruce Banner, at first at the very least. But I just... I see myself in the mirror and I can't... all I see is _him_.”

“That's what this is about,” Tony deadpanned. “Seriously? Bruce. You're the smartest person I have ever known apart from myself. And – you've got to keep this between us – I'm even starting to think we may be matched for genius. Bam, another thing I've only said once before in my life. I see you as Dr. Bruce Banner, the only person I don't have to use baby talk with. Fuck everyone else. If they think you're just the Hulk in hiding they're fucking morons. You don't need the opinion of people like that.”

Bruce gave a shy grin with his chin tucked into his chest, still trying to hide his face from view. “Thanks, Tony. That's... you've always been very nice to me. Well... in your own way. But I know what I look like.”

Tony frowned, confused. “A tired classics librarian, you mean? It just makes you seem more credible as a scientist. It's the devilishly handsome playboy look people don't trust.”

The other man gave him an odd look through the fringe of hair slightly obscuring his face. “No, I mean... you know. The _green_.” He whispered the last part like it was a dirty word.

“Pretty sure you're only green when you're a giant rage monster, pal. You look pretty human-colored otherwise.”

“I... can see myself in the mirror, Tony. I'm not blind. I can see it. I look like the Hulk in a human suit.”

“Seriously, what are you talking about? All I see is a sweet tan.”

“ _Stop it! Stop saying that!_ ” Bruce spat, his voice lowering almost imperceptibly. Tony fancied he could feel a strange sort of energy buzzing just beneath his friend's skin. It took every fiber of his self control not to follow the impulse to get himself as far away as possible.

“Ok, ok, Bruce. It's ok.” Bruce turned his head to look up at Tony, and Jesus, now his eyes really were going green. “Hey, come on, buddy, it's just me. Everything's fine. Come back, man.”

The green faded and Bruce slumped in his arms, suddenly looking ten years older with exhaustion. “He's always there, Tony. Always. God, I could have killed you just then. Why are you the only person who doesn't see it? I'm dangerous.”

“At the moment, not so much I don't think. You look like you could sleep for a week. Come on, back to bed young man.”

It took a collective effort, but between the two of them they were able to get Bruce back into his room and snugly under the covers of his bed.

“Sweet dreams, big guy.” Tony muttered, repressing the urge to brush the other man's hair out of his face.

“Tony...”

“Yeah?”

“I know I said to stop saying... but thanks. Thank you... for pretending you don't see it. It... most of the time it helps.”

Tony felt an unfamiliar clenching in his gut and made a mental note to ask Pepper what emotion that meant again. “It's what friends do.”


End file.
